Breaking the silence on stillbirth, a Bay Area mom shares her story

KTVU's Frank Somerville posted a story Rebecca Esquivel Makris sent to him. She is sharing her story to help break the silence on stillbirth. 

Here's what she wrote to Frank:

"In August of 2015, I was pregnant with my third child. Pregnancy was going beautifully, I was in my third trimester when one morning I woke up with very painful contractions. I assumed, as most repeat mamas do, that I was having Tucker.

Within an hour and a half, I was having an ultrasound done at Kaiser Santa Clara, I was in their labor and the delivery unit was trying to figure out what was going on with my body. In that moment, we saw a very alive baby, one we were waiting to find the gender out at delivery. As time went on, things progressed and it got much worse. 

My nurses and doctors were trying to figure out what was going on. What we didn't’t know was that my body was losing a massive amount of blood and I was suffering a complete and catastrophic placental abruption. Oddly, I wasn't worried about him dying. I figured everything was just fine. But it wasn't.

My husband was then home with our two older kids, my sister was holding my hand and that’s when the doctor looked at me and said:

“Rebecca, I… I can’t find the heartbeat, you see here it should be flickering.” I was staring at a very still ribcage.

What followed was me having to call my husband to tell him a child we had been waiting for, one we used science to help get, was gone.

I’d need to be induced and deliver him in the coming hours. 

As I labored through the day, family came in and out to see me.

Just after midnight, in a dark room, with my doctor sitting beside me on my bed I pushed out my son.

Not to cheers of joy, but to tears of sorrow and sadness. 

My son… was lifeless.

He laid on my chest just as any of my other babies had. 

Warm from being inside of me and I sobbed on him. I sobbed and said I was sorry.

In the coming hours, I sang to him, cuddled him, and had a photographer come and take pictures of us.

After that we were fortunate enough to raise money and decided to donate cooling units that go in the room of the parents when they experience a loss like this.

Often babies must go to the morgue but these units erase that need. 

They give families more time to say hello and goodbye.

I love love love that you are willing to tell our story.

Thank you so much.
— Rebecca
https://tuckermakris.org/"