San Quentin holds emotional, first-ever father-daughter prom

SAN QUENTIN, Calif. - Hair, make-up, gowns, tuxedos, and tears—San Quentin Rehabilitation Center was recently the scene of an emotional first-ever father-daughter prom.

For many of the incarcerated participants, it was the first time they’d ever donned a tux, the first time they spent one-on-one, face-to-face time with their daughter or daughters, and the first dance they’d ever had with their child.

For some, it was the first time they'd ever met their daughter. 

"The entire event was extremely touching and heartening. There was not a dry eye in the house for MOST of the day!!! Lots of happy tears and smiles," shared Morgan Hubbard with the group Friends of The People In Blue.

The moving event was a culmination of an eight-week family communication workshop that was held earlier this year and developed by Tam Nguyen, a member of a prison reform advocacy group made up of incarcerated individuals called The People in Blue (TPIB). Nguyen is a San Quentin resident who has been incarcerated for 22 years.

What we know:

18 inmates took part in the workshop, taking a deep and introspective dive into their role in not only their daughters’ lives, but their connection with other family members. 

The goal of Nguyen’s Family Communication Workshops is to help these fathers "strengthen communication and improve emotional intelligence and understanding within families," he told KTVU in a phone interview from San Quentin on Tuesday. 

As part of the workshop, the dads engaged in activity sheets and other homework and made a commitment to have consistent communication with their daughters and other family members. 

They were asked to reflect on their relationships and communicate and problem solve with family members to overcome obstacles they faced in those relationships.

"We walked through some of the most healthy aspects of family dynamics, like communication skills and emotional intelligence, helping everybody to understand where their emotions come from and how it leads to certain behaviors and how to cope in healthier ways," Nguyen explained.

These exercises helped promote meaningful conversations, he said, and then every week, the men would return to their group and share their insights. 

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After the two months of work, the fathers and daughters celebrated on April 5 with a tearful reunion which included a red carpet roll out into a fairy-tale evening filled with music, dance, games and connection.

Nguyen’s vision of the celebration, first planned as "Family Night," evolved into what would become "Parent Prom," held at San Quentin's chapel.

"He knew an intentional experience to reconnect and heal at the end of workshop was crucial to build on all the work the family engaged in," Hubbard said. Her group, Friends of The People In Blue, is an outside organization affiliated with TPIB.

Video of scenes from the father-daughter dance was recently posted on social media.

One moving clip showed the tearful moment a father turned around to see his glammed-up daughter walking up to him for the big reveal.

"Tommy has spent nearly two decades inside San Quentin State Prison. For 19 years, he’s only seen his daughter in a visitation rooms. But last night, everything changed," supporting groups God Behind Bars and Friends of the People in Blue posted on June 15. "For one sacred evening, prison walls faded away. Tommy held his daughter, not in chains, not through glass—but in his arms. They wept. She clung to him. Time stood still."

The backstory:

Nguyen said he launched his pilot program, putting up flyers about the workshop in the prison housing units, and the participants showed up on their own accord, all with the desire to improve relationships with their family.

The origins of Nguyen’s pilot program came from his own journey. He said that he grew up in a home plagued by domestic violence. 

He was 8 years old when his mother left, and by 14 he was homeless and out on the streets, making him vulnerable to finding other sources of support.

He said he experienced insecurities, need for validation, acceptance, and he lacked emotional intelligence, all factors that contributed to him joining a gang.

At age 23, Nguyen ended up in prison on an attempted murder charge with a gun enhancement. 

He was sentenced to seven years to life.

Over the years within the prison walls, he began working on his own rehabilitation as he in turn used the knowledge he gained to try and help others as well, through programs including mentoring at-risk youths. 

And as he met other incarcerated men, he realized common themes that ran through their lives.

"I recognized that the majority of these people that came to prison, that committed crimes, also came from a dysfunctional home," Nguyen said, adding, "A lot of the incarcerated people come from underserved communities, single-parent households."

Like in his own home growing up, there weren't many opportunities to learn communication skills. 

"Not enough money to have the time to spend with their kids besides, ‘Hey, did you do your homework?’ or yell at them, or barely talk to them, let alone teach them what emotional intelligence is—something I didn't learn about until I came to prison," Nguyen shared. "So in order for this person to become whole, I believe, that you need to help heal and rehabilitate the entire family," Nguyen shared.

So starting in 2023, he began to put together a program to address these issues backed by more than 21 years of his own training, and it all centered around building skills to effectively communicate.

"When I created the curriculum and the format, I used my lived experiences and my training doing CGA [Criminals and Gangmembers Anonymous] or doing rehabilitation groups within CDCR, as well as the youth diversion training, talking to at-risk youth, combined it, to help entire families develop healthier communication, or start to strengthen it, as well as addressing emotional intelligence and understanding of each other," the program creator explained. 

Holistic approach 

While some of the focus of the workshop was on relationships with daughters, the program took a much more holistic approach involving the entire family.

Nguyen stressed the importance of getting the whole family involved in this process, noting that when these men leave prison, they often return home to families which are their sole support network, so when whole households get involved, it increases the chances for a better outcome, helping to break harmful cycles.  

Nguyen said he first created this program with plans to use it outside the walls of prison, but it soon became clear there was also a great need for those inside who want to heal and repair their connections with their family.

The 45-year-old is seeking to expand the program as he looks toward his own future. 

Dig deeper:

On July 8, he’s up for resentencing, which could lead to his sentence being revised and him possibly being released, due to changes in the law, as it pertains to gun enhancement charges. 

A hopeful Nguyen said he’s been working toward training new facilitators, so his program can continue at San Quentin, and he's been preparing to offer the program for free outside the walls of the prison.

"In case I'm resentenced and released, my goal was always to bring this to the streets. And I want to go to underserved communities, and there are a few nonprofit organizations, some of them system-impacted, that have offered help," he said.

Beyond expectations 

What came out of Nguyen’s pilot workshop in San Quentin was more than even he could have imagined.

The participants were committed to the work and that work was celebrated and validated by the many businesses and organizations that threw their support behind it.

"I was surprised how much attention and how big it got towards the end," Nguyen said, noting that in the beginning, when workshop participants signed up, none knew about the celebration that was being planned. They were in disbelief when they learned about it. 

"I never let them know that we were going to have a family night. So they did it because they wanted to improve their relationship with their family," the program creator shared, adding, "I think they were confused at the same time because they were in prison. It was something that they did not expect that could really come through."

The dance was part of a day-long event. In the end, 16 of the 18 dads in the workshop got to take part in the prom with 20 daughters present.

The day also included a ceremony celebrating the workshop graduates who were presented with a special certificate.

"The daughters all handed over the completion certificate to the father, and the fathers wrote a letter to express their appreciation and love for them, especially the renewed love and appreciation for them for participating in the workshop and what that meant for them," Nguyen recounted. 

Other highlights included performing a TikTok dance that both fathers and daughters had previously learned as part of the workshop activities.

The impressive performances drew lots of smiles, cheers, and laughs. 

Wide support

The entire event was a community effort, both Hubbard and Nguyen were quick to point out.

A number of businesses and groups from across the community contributed to the event with food, decorations, flowers, and lights. 

"Hairdressers from across the Bay Area, Oakland to SF, donated time and supplies to pamper families with hair and makeup," Hubbard shared, adding, "Correctional Staff, especially Lt. Berry and Officer Romero, from across San Quentin Rehabilitation Center went above and beyond to support the event."

Along with Friends of The People In Blue, prison tech training program The Last Mile and the religious organization God Behind Bars were also heavily involved. 

Hubbard also paid tribute to members of TPIB, including Arthur Jackson, Tony Tafoya, Louis Sale and Henok Rufael, for playing an integral part in both the workshops and prom. 

Most of the daughters that attended the event were Bay Area residents, but supporters flew out about five from other parts of the country, including Florida and Georgia, Hubbard explained.

Tragedy after the dance

The workshop and dance were especially poignant and a cherished gift for one participant, Steven Embrey, who got an opportunity to hold his 28-year-old daughter Tiara Embrey in his arms before a car accident took her life just weeks later on June 8.

"He got the only dance he’s ever done with her," Nguyen said, "as well as building a stronger relationship with her during the process, because before the workshop, he had mentioned to me specifically and in our group that there were times he just didn't know how to talk to her at all, disconnected because of prison life, separation on the street."

According to a report written from inside San Quentin, she was killed on San Leandro Street in Oakland in a head-on collision.

"I’m so happy I participated in the prom and I got to see her. She was so beautiful that day. I have so many beautiful memories," her father told reporter Steve Brooks, a California Local News Fellow working with Bay City News Foundation.  

What they're saying:

San Quentin officials praised the prom and the workshop, saying they reinforced a critical goal.  

"The event reflects SQRC’s mission to strengthen family bonds as a vital part of rehabilitation and breaking cycles of incarceration," Press Information Officer Todd Javernick told KTVU in an email. "Plans are already underway to make next year’s Parenting Prom even bigger and better, continuing SQRC’s commitment to helping families heal and grow stronger together," he added. 

The "Parent Prom" has remained a memorable highlight for former San Quentin inmate Vincent O’Bannon and his daughter Autumn O’Bannon.

The daughter said her dad was released from prison a month after the dance, which also happened to fall on her 38th birthday, and the rehabilitation work he's engaged in is being seen in his life, she said. 

"Having my Dad home has been a breath of fresh air. Being able to spend unrestricted time with him and watching him spend quality time with my sons (his grandsons), brings me so much joy," the San Francisco resident shared with KTVU in an email correspondence. "Seeing him focused and completing goal after goal reassures me that the productivity he applied on the inside was beneficial."

She said that the two have always been close despite his incarceration.

"The workshop however, allowed us to go more in depth with certain topics. Ultimately I would say that it did add value to our level of respect and understanding of one another," the daughter shared, as she noted that the prom they got to experience was magical.

"It was surreal and a dream come true," Autumn O’Bannon said.

Louis Sale and his daughter, Matalena, also got to experience the magical night. 

His wife was also there as part of the celebration, and she expressed deep gratitude for what her daughter got to share with her dad.  

"The experience my daughter and I had at the prom will be unforgettable. My daughter had her senior prom already and her dad wasn’t able to attend due to incarceration. But this prom made up for it," said Kora G. Sale.

The Last Mile's executive director, Kevin McKracken, who is also formerly incarcerated, praised all those who worked hard to make it happen. "Thanks for changing the narrative and believing in this work," McKracken said. 

Life work 

For Nguyen, watching the dads at the culmination of his program and celebrating the work they committed to do—on themselves and with their family—was deeply emotional. 

"I cried several times. To be able to watch families reconnect or at least strengthen their bond, hearing their conversations, using the things from the workshops at the dance, it was very touching to me," he said, "And it made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile in my life."

This feeling is one that Nguyen wants to extend and expand.

"My ultimate goal is to bring it to the streets, because I do believe healthy families create healthier people, healthy individuals. And those same healthy families create safer communities," the San Quentin resident said. "If I can affect one child or one person's life from coming to prison, for me, that's a great start to living amends for all the harm I've done in my life."

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